My mom wanted to discuss what I am doing with my life again. You know what? It is really hard to tell someone you want to do something with your life when you have no fucking clue where to even begin. I need guidance from someone else. All she says is "How do you plan on paying for this?". Just because I don't currently have a job doesn't mean I will be a slacker for the rest of my life. (I am looking for a job everyday, except no one will hire you without any experience!) I would love to go back to California and live, but lets get realistic, it is expensive. I would have to continue living with my parents until God knows when. Or, I could just get a roommate. Of course, I may hate them and won't be happy. I really do not want to go to CSUMB. I would love to live in Monterey when I am older. Now, no.
Today I have been looking for colleges to transfer to. Universities, colleges, state school; it is all so annoying. I have looked in California, Nevada, and Florida so far. I don't want to live in the mid-west, and I don't think I want to move up North, although I would LOVE to go to Boston University. If I attended college in California my options are University of California -- San Diego, San Diego State University, University of California -- Santa Cruz, University of Southern California, San Jose State University, University of San Diego. And so on and on. Nevada only has one college I actually want to attend, which is University of Nevada -- Las Vegas. I don't even know any of the places in Florida I would go to. I don't want to attend a huge party school, and I don't want to stay in Maryland. I hear so many people who aren't happy with their current college situation.
I am just lost. I swear, this could be my mind-life crisis and I am only twenty. I haven't even applied to any of them because I am so disorganized at the moment. I don't even know if I want the degree I am currently trying to obtain. I would love to get a degree in Psychology or Marine Biology or even Zoology. Maybe Criminal Justice. Here I am obtaining a fucking Business degree. I kick myself in the ass every day for being such a slacked in high school. If I only got better grades I could attend a better school. Lucky Billy got into College of Maryland -- College Park. He isn't attending though. I wish I can get into a halfway decent school.